ORDINARY HOLY FAMILIES

Reflections for the Feast of The Holy Family: Sirach 3:2-6, 12-14; Colossians 3:12-21; Luke 2:22-40

A group of Romanian children living in foster care met with Pope Francis on 04th January 2018. One of them asked the Holy Father,

"When I was two months old, my mother left me in an orphanage. At 21 I looked for my mother and I stayed with her for two weeks but she did not treat me well so I left. My father is dead. What fault have I done that she does not want me? Why does she not accept me?”

The Holy Father’s response to this intriguing question provides us with three themes of reflection to help transform our ordinary families into holy families.

1. Fragility: 

The Holy Father begins his reply by affirming, “I want to be sincere with you. When I read your question, before giving the instructions for my speech, I wept. It is not a question of fault, it is a question of the great fragilities of adults, due in your case to grave destitution, to many social injustices that crush the small and the poor”.

As the Pope affirms with pastoral compassion, our ordinary families face the reality of human frailties in various levels and forms. As kids, we all tend to idolise our parents as superheroes. However, as we grow up, these idealistic images of “perfect, strong, and virtuous” parents begin to wade. We realise that our parents are susceptible to personal frailties (physical, mental, and moral issues) and those imposed by our societies (poverty, inequality, caste and other forms of social hierarchies). These fragilities certainly do bruise our idealised conceptions of ‘perfect families’. However, with time, we realise that it is these frailties that make us ‘perfectly ordinary human families’.

This paradox is also reflected in the Holy Family, which was prone to the fragilities that continue to affect us (migration, poverty, unplanned pregnancy). How did the ordinary family of Jesus overcome their fragilities to become the Holy Family? At every step, they kept themselves open to God’s revelation, will, and salvific plan. This God-centred discernment process helped the Holy Family transform their home into an ‘icon of the Trinity’ ( Pope Benedict XVI).

The recipe to become a holy family involves becoming aware of our fragilities, owning them, and engaging in a discernment process together as a family to deal with them. It is important that we overcome idealistic images of families and realise the importance of our fragilities. Perfect families don't exist; Holy families do.

2. Spiritual Poverty: 

Pope Francis also told the youngster, “Yes, spiritual poverty hardens hearts and causes what would seem impossible, that a mother would abandon her own children: this is the fruit of material and spiritual poverty, the fruit of a wrong and inhumane system, which hardens hearts, which causes errors, which ensures that we do not find the right path”.

We take a lot of effort to ensure our families' financial security and well-being, don’t we? Taking nothing away from this impressive dedication, we also ask if we are equally serious about the spiritual well-being of our family members. The Holy Family was built on a strong spiritual foundation. Joseph and Mary took Jesus every year to Jerusalem for the Passover (Luke 2:41) and they “fulfilled everything required by the law of the Lord (2:39), and created a healthy ambience for Jesus to “grow and become strong, filled with wisdom, and the favour of God was upon him” (2:40).

The Gospel draws a parallel between the Holy Family and the Jerusalem temple on three levels:

1. Presence:

The Temple is where God lives.

The Holy Family becomes the dwelling place of the Son of God

Do we feel the presence of God in our families?

2. Ownership:

The Temple is God’s property.

The Holy Family is defined by its belongingness to God.

Do we collectively belong to God?

3. Worship:

The Temple is a place of worship.

The Holy Family becomes a place of adoration for the Shepherds, Wise Men, and the Church.

Do we honour God by honouring each other (first reading)?

In order to become Holy Families, we need to transform our families to places of God's presence, God's property, and God's worship.

3. Expressing love: 

The Holy Father adds, “Your mother loves you but does not know how to do so, she does not know how to express it. She cannot, because life is hard and unjust. I promise to pray that one day she may show you that love.”

Our ordinary families struggle to find ways of expressing love for each other. Isn’t it a mystery that we are all the time surrounded by people but still feel lonely at times?  The Holy Family teaches us to express our love in actions rather than words, in the way we accept each other with our strengths and weaknesses, sickness and health, successes and failures. St. Paul reminds us, “And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection” (Second Reading).

Expressing love through words of encouragement, affection, positive reinforcement, and constructive criticism is necessary. However, it is equally important to demonstrate our love in action: being present for each other, giving a helping hand in each other's responsibilities, and thus helping each other become better versions of ourselves.

May the feast of the Holy Family inspire us to become temples of discernment through spiritual maturity and lovingly construct truly human and holy families.